Shuffling feet and sweaty ribs mark the beginning of these days
Shifty eyes and swollen cheeks, the end.
You have seen my love in grand forms
Watched me fall, die, resurrect
Clutching the broken pieces of my heart
in my throat: like shards of broken hurt,
smarting with each gasp.
I have loved like a child does
With awe in my eyes and unyielding fists
that won’t let go of your feet –
and in their absence –
the ground you tread upon.
I have loved like a pilgrim does
Worshipping your awnings with a head bowed in prayer
With a mind that refuses to see the cracks that must surely exist
(But they don’t)
Finally, but today –
I have learnt to love without hope
with a heart not hopeful of climbing up to the shrine itself
Content to wander around the city in which you stand tall
Devouring what crumbs you may throw my way,
but with a smile. Always, with a smile:
Even if the smile must come from a bloody throat.