When I lose my head I lose my spine

There’s a maze in my head.
I run till my knees buckle and my feet stumble.
I wearily look at the horizon and pound the fleshy road, fighting to get ahead.
Not realizing
that I’m seeking an escape from my own thoughts, in my own thoughts.
Bouncing back to where I began like a failed cosmonaut.

I run till my sweat runs dry and my ankles burn, queasy.
It’s never so simple, never so easy.
Thoughts plague my mind, hopping from one insecurity to another,
Pushing me further down
as I flail about
deeper into the mud of self doubt

I look for my dopamine,
but dopamine is a person –
and my brain tells me how pathetic I am
to crave an escape in someone’s arms, seeking the soothing of remedying;
and warm my skin with the furnace of their being.

Calm, calm, calm.
Calm, calm, calm.
Chants through my head,
keeping me curled up on my bed.
Burying my head between my knees.

Title: Mumford and Sons. Hopeless Wanderer. 

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