So close….

That twig enraptured me. It was flowing so peacefully, so cordially along the canal that it seemed that it had given up all worry about its fate and no longer cared what happened to it. Going with the flow, literally. Would I be like that twig too, going down in peace? Would my mind accept the fact that it would never think about the beauty of sunset again, and my heart stop beating and accept that it would no longer fill with warmth on seeing someone dear? Or would I struggle? Would I suddenly want to live? Would the touch of that water make me feel alive? Would this shell I had built around myself be broken and would the old me come out again, the me that shared everything, the me that was not afraid to be judged, the me that did not need to be held so tight to keep from falling apart? Would I cease to be a burden on everyone else, stop being the needy person I was? Would they miss me? Of course. They are kinder than they realize. But I would miss them too. What if I never could see them again? What if I ached with their memories and what if things got worse? What if….

Air whooshed by me as a scooter went by, missing me by inches. It brought me out from my thoughts. I looked around and reality slowly seeped back in. This place, where I had walked once. So many scooters and cycles going by, so many people, and no one cared that this little part of this huge world was going to go away. Did it matter? I walked slowly, hesitantly towards the edge. Due to the monsoons, the canal was in full flow. The water looked beautiful. Maybe I would flow away with it and reach a nicer place. A place where I would not mess up again. I took a deep breath and stared deep into the water. Just as I was about to jump, my phone vibrated. ‘Need to meet’. Best friend’s text. He wanted to meet me. Someone wanted me. Someone actually wanted to see me. I was worth needing.

My head felt dizzy, and something wet fell down my cheek. A lone tear. Was it a tear of relief? I still don’t know.

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9 thoughts on “So close….

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