I know what I want. Difficult as it is, I more or less know how it is to be achieved. I know the hard work will be worth it. I know that I have never wanted anything more in my life. But just as I get ready to take that first step towards trying to achieve it, the complete picture comes before my eyes. The sheer magnitude of it leads me to despair. Even amusement. How can I hope to get this? How can I even dream of being like those people who have this feat already achieved, or worse, are naturally gifted with it? How dare I think, even in my most optimistic moments, that I would be able to be a force to reckon with? Hopelessness engulfs me like a blanket, and I sink to the bottom, alone in a dark, scared corner of my mind that says I will never make it because I do not have it in me.
The cycle repeats everyday, morning after early morning.
Today, here and now, I say enough of this. I will begin working on it today. And I will not stop. Relentlessly I shall pursue it, till at last I achieve something of what I have dreamed. It may not be as grand a portrait as I have painted in my head, but at least it will give me confidence to go a step further. Succeed or fail, stop I will not.
This I promise myself.